boot camp for the mind

I recently attended a 10-day meditation course which to me, felt like a hardcore boot camp for the mind. To be honest, I almost left on the fourth day. Since so many of you were curious about my experience, I thought I would share a few bits via this blog. It is a long one so grab a beverage, and enjoy!

Why did I sign up? First, some of my friends spoke highly of this specific course and I was curious to experience a different kind of meditation other than the one I have been practicing for years. Second, I wanted to give myself a prolonged break from anything digital and finally, the opportunity to be in silence for a few days was calling me.

​We in fact spent 10 days, in silence, with no distractions. Phones, tablets, computers, books, notepads, knitting, musical instruments, games, were not permitted. You are “alone” with yourself for 10 days. The schedule consisted of 10 hours a day of seated meditation, with a wakeup call (the gong!) at 4 am. I can already feel some of you cringe! 
 
Exercise, including yoga, was not allowed. For an active people such as myself, this was a hard pill to swallow. We were, however, permitted to walk slowly every day in the surrounding forest trails, the highlight of my day!
 
Most people react strongly at the thought of not being able to talk for 10 days. For me, the silence was the easy part of this whole experience. I also did not miss my phone or other distractions such as reading or playing guitar. When we had breaks, I was happy walking the trails or simply napping to allow my body to recover from the long period of sitting.
 
The course was extremely well organized, and I was impressed with the kindness and efficiency of the support staff. With 140 participants in attendance, things must run smoothly to allow everyone to experience the course in a calm, safe and peaceful environment.
 
If you had a burning question about the meditation technique itself, you could take an appointment with the teacher and yes, you were allowed to speak to clarify your question. Other than that, you were to observe noble silence.
 
My personal struggles during this course were exactly that: personal. We are all different beings and what works for one person may not work for the other. I have no intention to attend this meditation course again, but many people return on a regular basis. Please understand that my intention with this blog is not to criticize the course itself. It just wasn’t for me.
 
My first struggle was the physical pain of sitting on the floor for 10 hours each day. It was real and intense. I don’t think my back will ever be the same! Like anything else, with practice, I am sure my body and mind would eventually adapt to the discomfort and find a way to sit with ease for a prolonged period. However, I do not have the desire to do so. Therefore, I can safely cross “becoming a monk” off my bucket list! I am nevertheless happy meditating for 15, 30 even 60 minutes every day, on my own. For me, cultivating a mindfulness practice at my own pace is what makes me feel grounded, and some days are easier than others.
 
Feeling grounded is unfortunately not how I felt during this meditation course mainly because the prescribed meditation technique left me feeling agitated and exhausted (the complete opposite to how I feel when I meditate on my own.) Believe me when I say that I did not meet enlightenment! I did however want to give the technique a fair trial and spent the first few days adhering to the teachings as best as I could.
 
I soon realized that people meditate for different reasons. One of them (which is not why I meditate) is to cleanse themselves of deep-rooted emotional scars. In fact, the meditation technique taught at the course was perfect for people who wish to delve deep within themselves. Personally, when I feel the need to delve deep, I prefer journalling or having a good conversation with a trusted friend or scheduling a psychotherapy session.
 
Shielded from worldly distractions and responsibilities, our soul purpose for 10 days was to be “present”. It is not unusual in this context for people to experience intense emotions and for the mind to go astray. Some people cry, some people laugh (me!) and some people simply get up and leave. They do warn you when you apply to the course that it is not a vacation or a retreat. It is hard work!
 
I personally experienced moments of intense creativity during which I “wrote in my mind” several articles on meditation and a very funny (so I thought) one-woman stand-up comedy show relating my experience during this 10-day meditation course. I imagined myself on stage, delivering the show to a supportive crowd. It was detailed and felt so real. I truly entertained myself while I was supposed to focus on the air seeping in and out through my nostrils… I giggled and laughed (in silence of course!) until I was exhausted and then proceeded in recentering myself for a little while longer until my mind would drag me to other entertaining places.
 
One place I found myself going to repeatedly was singing songs in my head. Specifically, “Motherland” from Natalie Merchant. I rarely thought of “back home” other than wondering if Norm would remember to water the plants (and he did.) By the 5th day, I was able to stay focused on the mediation a little longer each time and leave alone any other invading thoughts.

I then decided that, like anything else in my life, balance is the key. I don’t do well when things become excessive. And to me, 10 hours a day of meditation felt excessive. To complete the course, I therefore made a deal with myself that I would meditate when it felt right to do so and “check out” when it did not feel right. I did not feel shame, and did not get a sense of failure. It felt like the wise choice, and I was able to have wonderful moments of clarity and bliss.
 
After spending 10 days in silence, it is recommended to enter the “spoken” world slowly. Therefore, on day 11, the day of our departure, the silence was lifted. To be honest, I was dreading that moment so instead of plunging into it with the 140 participants, I chose to stay in my room for a while to chat with my roommate about our respective experience.
 
Keep in mind that we spent 10 days sharing a small space and never spoke a word to each other. We were instructed not to use sign language and to avoid each other’s gaze. Therefore, it was lovely to finally get to know her and to discover that we both felt the intensity of the course.
 
I came back home exhausted and with a sense that I needed to cleanse myself from the experience. I returned to my usual physical activities which helped tremendously, and a month later, I am finally able to write these words for you. 
 
I deliberately chose not to divulge too much information about the meditation technique itself in this blog. Should any of you be interested in learning more about it, don’t hesitate to reach out!

Happy meditating!

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